Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Aveda Could Sell Ice To The Inuit

Most people have hobbies. Some like to knit, others love sports. I enjoy surfing, photography, writing and poking around other people's bath tubs. I don't care much for the bath tubs themselves...if you've seen one, you've seen them all.

My bathroom fetish involves hair and body care products....known in the metrosexual world simply as 'product'. When I'm at home and I want to clean my hair, I use something called shampoo. When I want to scrub a half dozen of my 2000 body parts, I use something called soap. It's all very simple. Not so when you travel. When I'm in someone else's home, be it a woman's or a gay guy's or a metrosexual's, I'm alternately grossly perplexed or mildly doomed as soon as the water smacks my face and I start looking at their selection of product. I suppose that I could travel with my own product, but where's the fun in that?

This morning I decided to take a shower, or it was decided for me. The mirror told me that my friends would shun me if I didn't do something about my hair. So off went the clothes and on went the shower. I always take a careful first step into a foreign tub lest there be something slippery on the enamel. I've always feared taking a tumble, breaking a leg, or knocking myself out, causing my friends to rush to my naked aid.

We all think we know what we look like when we're starkers, but how would others view us?

Celine, is that you?

Yeah, my legs are skinny and I'm ashamed of them but at least they don't sing syrup infused ballads or spoon with grandpa (yes, that was uncalled for).

So, I'm in my friend's bathtub this morning. I'm happy because the shower head is actually above mine. While vacationing in California a few years ago, I experienced more than one nozzle that seemingly didn't want to wash anything from the waist up. I've seen bidets that did a better job of washing my armpits! Well, at least I know what Hervé Jean-Pierre Villechaize did after his short career as Tattoo on Fantasy Island. I wouldn't have guessed plumbing but, then again, I wouldn't have guessed that Jerry Springer was the mayor of Cincinnati before becoming one of America's most wholesome and respected television hosts.

I'm looking for shampoo in the generously stocked rack. I grab a tube of something but it turns out to be Aveda Tourmaline Charged Exfoliating Cleanser. WTF? From Wikipedia...'Tourmaline is a crystal silicate mineral compounded with elements such as aluminium, iron, magnesium, sodium, lithium, or potassium'. I might as well be doing the back stroke in a Sydney Mines tailing pond. Water continues to pour down my face as I blindly paw around for some shampoo. My hand locates and procures another tube of something...turns out to be Aveda Outer Peace Foaming Cleanser. Two cleansers? This either means that my friend is incredibly dirty, or incredibly clean. It's amazing what you learn in someone else's bathroom.

Some people are known snoops when it comes to other people's houses. I'm a polite snoop. For example, I would never, ever look inside someone's medicine cabinet. Some things are sacred. I've heard of people who do that. I'd be worried that I might unearth some hideous secret about my friend that would scar me for life. Say, for example, that she used Archie McPhee's bacon flavoured dental floss. She doesn't, but what if she did? Could we still be friends?

I finally found some shampoo. In fact I found two shampoos: Aveda's Shampure shampoo and Aveda's Be Curly shampoo with wheat protein. I chose the Aveda Be Curly shampoo and that's why there's no picture for today's blog. I've got a fro!

In reality, there's no picture for today's blog because my camera died last night. After 78 000 images, it finally gave up the ghost. If only Aveda made a Pixie Dust Infused Nikon Rejuvenator, I'd buy it, right after I went on-line and ordered my bacon flavoured dental floss.

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