Like Michael Jackson, my camera is dead. I took it to the Cow Bay (N.S.) shore and was attempting to photograph surfers, one of whom was a doctor. Did the doctor kill my camera, or did the camera die from natural causes, if you could call an overdose of acid drizzle natural? We may never know. In fact, I don't care.

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I had to steal a photograph from my friend's computer this morning since my Nikon is behaving like a Nikoff. At least I was able to find a picture of someone surfing in Nova Scotia. I'm not sure if it's my friend surfing in the picture, because all surfers look like Ninjas once they're in their wetsuits and crouched on their boards. I was watching this one pony-tailed surfer on Monday and was very impressed that my friend had taken her surfing to the next level. She was totally ripping up the waves and I was completely blown away by her style. As she drew closer I could see her wet locks...and her beard. Oops. Like I said, they all look the same on the water, at least from a distance.

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Most wetsuits are black because that's the colour that makes us most closely resemble a juicy, succulent seal. Uncle Whitey probably wouldn't like us if our wetsuits were pinstriped or plaid. A lot of surf breaks are getting overcrowded, so the world needs to shed itself of a few wave chasers. The wetsuit manufacturers held a meeting at Marineland, did some testing in the shark tank, and decided that a black wetsuit made the most sense. It was unanimously approved. There was some debate over the suitability of a neoprene head cover with large whiskers. Some felt that the whiskers were too obvious, so this design never garnered the manufacturer's seal of approval.

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I came to Nova Scotia to surf, and I did. Arriving on Sunday evening, I missed all of the big surf. It was so wild on Sunday, I was told, that almost no one made it out. My friends went windsurfing in a small protected bay, but after a while the winds made it unwindsurfable. The thought of windsurfing on the open ocean was unthinkable. Impossible. The waves were too violent and massive. Someone would have died.

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It was amazing how Sunday and Monday could have been so different. Here's a recap of Sunday: thirty foot waves, eighty kilometre an hour wind, heavy and horizontal rain, coastal flooding. Monday: four to six foot waves, not a breath of wind, and almost no precipitation except when I had my Nikon out. I surfed twice on Monday in what could only be described as perfect conditions for someone of my surfing ability (bleached hair and a surfboard, stickers on my car, but no real talent). I surfed at Cow Bay, midway between Dartmouth and Lawrencetown. Cow Bay is very close to Cole Harbour, home of Stanley Cup winner Sidney Crosby. Hockey bores me, but I do like trophies...unless they're brides.

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The beach at Lawrencetown was still closed on Monday. A large lingering surf was still creating mayhem on the Lawrencetown shore. The beach was a plate of strewn burgundy and mustard pasta. Oversized hillocks of seaweed had been piled everywhere like Whistler moguls. The damaged boardwalk to the shore had been cordoned off with fluorescent tape, the type used at supposed crime scenes like the Neverland ranch. Beach officials patrolled the verboten shore, ensuring no 'tourists' became floating meatballs.

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All in all, Nova Scotia survived hurricane Bill rather well. No one died, which is quite incredible given the propensity for dolts to body surf in jeans and t-shirts off Peggy's Cove's slippery rocks. People in Maine's Acadia National Park were not so lucky. It amazes me how parents can take their children to such dangerous places. It also angers me because the ocean can kill you without a second thought. Show it some respect...or else. And please, kill yourself if you must, but don't drag the kids down with you.

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I'm leaving the salty shores of Nova Scotia this morning, but I'll be back for more surfing soon. My son starts university in Halifax in less than two weeks. As he's my only child and a great one, I plan on visiting him frequently. Every time a tropical storms blows into town, I'll follow suit and do the same...to make sure he's okay (wink, wink). I'll bring my surfboard too, just so I have something to do while he's in class.