Saturday, June 20, 2009

Big Fish, Small Pond, Camera

Every once in a while, usually weekly, someone in my village of Cambridge-Narrows does something incredibly 'entertaining'. Please note that I did not use the word 'stupid', that's reserved for the one and only village idiot. Typically I'm the first person to notice when some simple task turns sour, often because I'm the cause of it, or I'm there helping. I rarely leave my home without my camera for this reason, but I can't always be everywhere.

The image above is not mine, it was taken by someone who was 'on the ball'. It was provided to The Leisurologist by an unnamed source whose identity shall be kept anonymous for their personal safety. Needless to say, The Leisurologist has many eyes and ears in the village, so you'd better be careful about what you say and do. For example, if you pee outdoors, let's say in the Pines Conservation Park, you'd better be discreet. Remember, our cameras are everywhere.

So, who are we going to talk about this week? Well, it's someone that I've only met once or twice, so out of respect I won't mention his name. He is the owner of the boat in the picture above. I'll give you a clue as to his identity: he does not keep a trailer at the Steeve's Cambridge-Narrows Campground. He doesn't own a tow truck like Joe Hatheway. He doesn't walk his pet along the side of the road like mad dog Hansen.

I don't want to give away his identity, so I'll only give one more clue: he's happily married. In fact, he got hitched a long time ago. It's hard to believe that of all the marriages in this world, roughly half of the couples become unhitched after a while. I guess that it's not all that uncommon for two people, or things, to grow apart... and this brings us to the image above.

That's a pretty big boat in a pretty small pond!

When I first saw the image, I naturally assumed that the boat's owner was just testing out the motor and needed a bit of water. Not so. This boat was never meant to get wet. Before I say anymore, let me just say that we're all products of our environment. People who live on the Prairies, to use a random example, don't know much about gravity. It's pretty flat out there, after all. People in New Brunswick, don't know much about wheat farming or little mosques. These are the facts of life.

Here's a few other facts of life which will help make your days more rewarding, and lessen the chances of your name being tossed around as a potential village idiot candidate (note: you'll have to do better than this to topple our reigning village idiot):

1) Always use the proper size trailer hitch ball.

2) Never forget to hook up the safety chains, just in the 'remote' case that something goes
catastrophically wrong.

3) Remember, gravity can work for you, or against you. Round things, like tires, tend to roll downhill.

4) Always make sure that your boat's drain plug is firmly in place.

5) Never do anything (anywhere, anytime) if there's a camera nearby.

6) If you choose to ignore the five pointers above, at least wear underwear that photographs well.

This week's 'celebrity' very innocently attempted to move his boat in his yard. All five of the above points were ignored (the jury is still out on point #6). The boat and trailer became unhitched and started rolling out of control down his rather generously sloped, unprairielike property. Miraculously the boat ending up in the pond on his property.

Whew, sure dodged a bullet there partner!

It was a comedy of errors and everyone had a good laugh, until...

Oh shit! The drain plug!!

Welcome to Cambridge-Narrows Steve Johanson (oops), you're now officially one of us.

1 comment:

  1. So the village wanted a new one since I am technically only the temporary replacement on my nice of someone to oblige :) and yes, for the record, I know the village has called, several times in fact asking for their idiot back! See you in the fall!