Of Course I Have A Nemesis

You won't recognize this man, unless you've personally shaken hands with the devil (translation: held stock in ACE Aviation Holdings Ltd.). It's Robert Milton. I can't even begin to explain what he does, or did, for a living.

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In a nutshell, he was paid something like sixty-eight million dollars from 2005 to 2008 to make a lot of people miserable. What did he do to deserve this kind of compensation? For starters he bankrupted Air Canada and then emerged as its saviour by bringing it out of receivership...sort of like pulling a bank heist, then giving the money back (less a few wallet clams). For this, he gets lauded. What a great guy.

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Robert Milton single-handedly made Air Canada one of the world's most unpopular airlines, with both the employees and the customers. The people over at WestJet must love him, as he's done more for them than any smiling 'I just sold your Jet Ski for you' WestJet employee.

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Robert Milton reminds me of Brian Mulroney. High praise for a lower life form. Like Myron Baloney, I think that Milton is only looking out for himself and, in Milton's case, the shareholders of ACE Aviation (Air Canada's money and life sucking parent company).

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Parent company. Now there's an interesting nesting pair of words, especially when we think of ACE. Somebody call child welfare services because the baby's being abused. Little Bobby Milton of America is laughing all the way to the Bank of England while Air Canada's employees are crying their eyes out in frustration. Passengers are drowning in the tears of discontent.

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In the event of an emergency, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.

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In the event of an emergency, I'd use my seat cushion as a bathroom, unless Milton was sitting next to me! Alas, I don't fly first class so it's unlikely I'd ever have the pleasure. How I hate poverty. Hate is a strong word.

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I just Googled 'I Hate Air Canada' and found countless stories. Okay, not countless stories, just 1.52 million hits to be precise. Almost any airline is going to make a few enemies along the flight path, but Air Canada has emerged as the poster boy. It's too bad, because a lot of really nice people work at Air Canada, they're just not encouraged to shine by those who fly at higher altitudes (I'm talking about you, Milton, in your glass tower). In fairness to Air Canada, I tried Googling 'I Hate WestJet', but found very little.

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When I was a young child I loved Air Canada. I loved Air Canada when I was a newly married man. I loved Air Canada until February 28, 2002 when, at age thirty-eight, I was treated so poorly that I'll never forgive them. On that fateful date I was bumped, thumped and leg humped. They screwed me over royally. The details are too lengthy but let's just say that I was treated like something that's normally flushed, or left on a floatation cushion when ditching into water.

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I've flown with Air Canada many times since that day, but only because Air Canada operates what is effectively a monopoly. When WestJet starts flying out of Fredericton, then I'll be their second best friend. It's not easy giving money over to Air Canada, a company that I almost loath, but I've found a way to deal with my Air Canada anger. My secret is art therapy.

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When Milton was Air Canada's CEO (pre-ACE Aviation's creation), his picture appeared every month in Air Canada's in-flight magazine, called EnRoute. I always made a point to fly with a pen because I never once missed the opportunity to doctor up Milton's mugshot with some devil horns and other wicked adornments. There was always a message too. I often wondered what other frequent fliers thought when they cracked open their EnRoute and saw the rotten (deviled) egg called Milton.

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I wondered if I was the only passenger who saw Milton as beelzebub, Lord of the Fliers. That curiosity was put to rest on Friday, June 12, 2009 when I cracked open an article in the Globe and Mail's Report on Business section. The article's title was 'Air Canada executives okay pay freeze'. Of course I had to read it, curious to see how they could survive on anything less. I found one quote that made me beam...

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"Milton still wears the devil horns, and you can be angry all you want with him and other executives, but it's not going to change the past..."

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This quote came from a representative of the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers. I can't imagine what made such a respected man speak so poorly of another man. I can only surmise that the devil made him do it.