Monday, July 6, 2009

I've Been Screwed Again

It's time for another boycott, and this one is well deserved. You see that brightly coloured surfboard in the image above, it was supposed to give me pleasure...and it will, but so far it's been a disappointment. It's not the surfboard's fault, it never is. Surfboards, by nature, are rather pleasant.

I went to Nova Scotia in mid-June on business.

But I thought that you were a leisurologist?

Okay, so my wife had some business in Halifax in mid-June and I did what every puppy of a husband does, I tagged along. One of my missions while in Halifax was to find and purchase a surfboard. Since my son will be going to university in Halifax in September, which coincides with the start of the Nova Scotia surf season, I'll be visiting him regularly (especially when the ocean swell is off the hook!).

And the father of the year award goes to.....Benedict Mulroney the first.

Huh? Brian Mulroney's father took the honour posthumously. His father is deserving of the award, as he worked more than one job to earn a little money on the side. Brian, too, earned a little money on the side, though he definitely didn't do it like his father.

His father was a paper mill electrician who ran an electrical repair shop during his time off. As a good father would, he encouraged his oldest son to go to university. Benedict begged Brian to do his studies at the University of Hawaii, where the surfing was infinitely better than in Baie Comeau. Brian decided that Antigonish was more attractive and headed off to St.FX. Once finished his undergraduate degree in Antigonowhere, he enrolled in the law program at Dalhousie University, then promptly flunked out.

Too much surfing and not enough studying, eh Bri?

Subsequently he managed to get a law degree from Laval. He flunked his bar exam twice, but then managed to pass. I wonder if he greased the palms of the Quebec Bar Association with a bag of Mila's finest perogies (you never know!).

My fascination with the Mulroneys goes way back. When the Harry Potter movies first came out, I immediately picked up on the fact that the character Draco Malfoy looked a lot like a towhead Ben Mulroney. We even nicknamed the character Draco Mulroneyfoy. I'm not sure how the Godfather slipped into my artistic homage to the Mulroneys, just a happy accident I suppose.

I'll never boycott the Mulroneys, they're way too much fun, but I may boycott a certain surf shop in Nova Scotia. I bought a surfboard at the South Shore Surf Shop in Lunenburg. The guy who I bought it from, the owner, was a very congenial, post 60s surf hippie. I bought the surfboard on a Friday and on Saturday morning I headed to Lawrencetown to christen the board. I had a small window of opportunity to surf and Saturday morning was it.

When we got to Lawrencetown we were met by pretty meager surf but the executive decision was made to give it a try. I started to put my fins on the surfboard until I realized...

I was screwed.

My long haired surf shop hipster friend had given me the wrong screws so I was unable to attach the fins to the underside of the board. Shit happens, and it was an honest mistake. I never hold a grudge after strike one. This ain't baseball however, and in my world you're out after two strikes. I sent the South Shore Surf Shop an exceedingly polite e-mail telling them the story. I included my address and asked that the fin screws be mailed to me. It's been two weeks now and...

Strike two.

That's unacceptable. It's sad because there are a number of surf shops on the south shore of Nova Scotia all vying for the same small envelope of cash. When I become a better surfer I'll need a smaller board. I know where I won't be buying it. I can't recommend this shop to my surfing friends either. To add insult to injury, the board that I bought is listed on the South Shore Surf Shop's web site for $525. I was charged $595. Strike three.

Malfoy....mal foi....bad faith. The surf shop owner has acted in bad faith and I'm not too pleased. This one really disappoints me. The surf stoke should be shared, particularly by those in the business of selling it. That surf shop owner should be doing everything, within reason, to make my experience more pleasant. I should be doing the screwing, instead of receiving it.
And so another draconian boycott begins.

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