You can't be the village idiot and live in perfect isolation. You must be surrounded by those who love you, hate you, judge you, and even one who, for reasons unknown, will marry you. There will also be those who will try to take your crown away.
I am the undisputed heavyweight in my village, though as previously mentioned in a past blog, I've got some competition. Yesterday, in Cambridge-Narrows, was like the village idiot Olympics, and the gold medal might just go to someone other than me.
Over the years, there have been countless television sitcoms dedicated to small villages and the people who live in them. There was Newhart, a 1980s show set in a rural Vermont locale "populated by eccentric characters." The Red Green Show dominated the 1990s Canadian airwaves and even bit into the new millennium.
The television show Friends was all about people from a village, Greenwich Village, in Manhattan. It would be easy to draw comparisons between the latte drinking hotties of Friends, and our own coffee drinking lookers who congregate at Nan's every morning. Nan's is the one and only general store in my village, and it's the closest we'll ever get to having a local Java den. Sure, there are no couches at Nan's, or funky coffee cups, but you can always find a couple of Joes saddled up to a Popsicle cooler, mumbling yakkety-yak at innocent shoppers.
The cast of Cambridge-Narrows most closely resembles the ragtag group that called Port Asbestos home. I thought deeply (over seventeen seconds) about which characters in our village most closely resembled the characters of Red Green's Possum Lodge....let's take a look:
Red Green: a lazy Canadian handyman...clearly that's our very own Ken Appleby.
Harold Green: the nerd who tended to be appalled by the actions of other villagers...also Ken Appleby.
Dalton Humphrey: fools gullible city folks and takes their money....still Ken Appleby.
Mike Hamar: a common criminal (likely with close ties to Air Canada)....ditto Ken Appleby.
Bill Smith: befuddled by common tasks, speaks in gibberish....most certainly Ken Appleby.
Edgar K.B. Montrose: known for always having a burning wick nearby, and sporting ear protectors...well, you must be seeing a trend here?
Pretty much every character on the Red Green Show can be found in our own, dear Ken Appleby. The only exception is Hap Shaughnessy, who would clearly be played by Tony Ratliffe, of Gagetown. Ranger Gord is a bit of a stretch for Ken as well, though Ranger Gord claims to use baked beans as his alarm clock and I don't see that as being unKenlike.
So what would it take to convince Ken Appleby to light up a smoke, hop into a coffin perched on the roof edge of a three-story home, and have his picture taken? Not much, as the image above proves. It's not like we had to poke him with a stick to get him in there.
This now begs the question: should the true village idiot be the camera wielding leisurologist who comes up with the idea for a photo shoot which involves a rooftop coffin and a smoking dead guy, or is it the one who willingly goes along with the asinine scheme?
You be the judge. And the gold medal goes to...__________!
If you think the new village idiot should be Ken Appleby, then send an e-mail to email@example.com. The results will be tabulated and presented in a future blog posting.