Are You A Hooker If You Don't Charge?

Is there anything in your life that you love so much that you're willing to give it away for free?

Some mothers will teach their daughters (or sons) to knit or make rugs. Some fathers will pass on their love of rugby to their sons (or daughters). Or take them fishing at their favourite trout stream. It's great to see people sharing a love. Hookers, all of them!

Years ago I was asked by our local school if I'd be interested in setting up a display as part of an 'active community' open house. Residents of the Greater Cambridge-Narrows ruralpolitan area were gathered in February to showcase their talents, services and wares. When the call came in, I had to seriously ponder what I could offer. I knew that I had a lot of practical advice for today's youth, but what should I share:

"Okay kids, here's how I like to do the dishes. I'm wearing rubber gloves so my hands don't get chapped. Yes, Johnny, the gloves do look a bit fruity on me."

"You're right Johnny, it is Palmolive...I'm soaking in it. And you will be too if you keep bugging me!"

"No, no...that's not how you hold the vacuum. Try it like this...back and forth, back and forth. Don't be afraid to get low to find those dust bunnies."

"There are two ways to scrub a toilet bowl...using the up/down method, or in a circular motion, which I prefer. Give it a try Johnny...get a bit closer. A bit more....a bit more. Perfect!"

Flush.

It would be a shame if the Johnnys of this world didn't get hooked on house cleaning. As much as house cleaning was practical and it had to be done, it wasn't about about love, at least not for me. I was having doubts about sharing housekeeping 101 with the students, so I asked myself, what do I love?

I love windsurfing!

So I put down my bottle of green apple Lysol disinfectant (is it just me, or does it seem odd to want your toilet bowl to smell like Granny Smith?), and I packed up a windsurfer, tv/vcr and some windsurfing videos. I rigged up a complete windsurfer which was visually impressive against the white-washed, cinder block walls of the gymnasium. The kids were quite interested by my winged surfboard. They wanted to stand on it. They wondered how they'd propel themselves without a paddle or a sputtering outboard. The video made it obvious that windsurfing was both fast and exciting. I showed them the harness that I wore, and how I got hooked to the boom. Would they become hooked?

I offered the students a free windsurfing lesson in the summertime. I made this offer because I routinely made this offer to anyone who ever showed any interest in windsurfing. Over the years I've taught quite a few people to windsurf, including my son and my father. Twenty-eight kids were intrigued enough to put their name on the list. How many do you think actually followed through and took the lesson?

Any guesses?

The answer was one. I was quite shocked by this as, honestly, I didn't expect any of them to follow through. I was delighted.

As much as windsurfing delights me, it saddens me that so few people windsurf. I'm trying to do my part to change that, prostituting my services for free. I want people to experience windsurfing for themselves. I am a hooker, there's no doubt. What I offer (for free) is so good that you'll eventually need footstraps to enjoy it properly. Wow! For all of Hugh Grant's wayward desires, I can't imagine he ever needed footstraps!!

The image at the top of this post was taken last summer during my trip to the Columbia River Gorge (Hood River, Oregon). It's like the red-light district for North American windsurfing. The place is crawling with windsurfers. Even if windsurfing isn't your thing, you'll be amazed to see the tricks being turned on the water.

You can take a windsurfing lesson in the Gorge, but you'll have to pay handsomely for it. Shouldn't there be some sort of law against that? It seems criminal to me.

Note: if you want a free windsurfing lesson this summer, send me an e-mail at narrowsminded@aol.com.