. X-ray vision would be pretty popular for perverts and radiologists. The ability to fly almost always cracks the top three, except among Air Canada pilots. Eternal life has its merits. The funny thing about eternal life is that most people only see the bright side, rarely considering an eternity of snow shoveling or The Facts Of Life reruns. .
I shouldn't really diss The Facts Of Life, after all, George Clooney used to be on the show. His appearance was a welcome relief to the endless pre-Twitter twitterings of Natalie Green (the chubby one played by Mindy Cohn). Eventually George went back to med school and went on to better things. When I say 'better things' I've purposely chosen to ignore his cameo on The Golden Girls. Well, not on them...though never count out Bea Arthur for a good romp, or that feisty Betty White. May they both rest in peace (they're dead, right?). . This just in: apparently Betty White is still alive. Sorry Betty, I guess I had you confused with Estelle Getty. I hope, for your sake, this doesn't happen often. . I digress. . If a Genie landed on your back deck and offered you one free physical attribute, for what would you wish? I've given this a lot of thought. First of all, I've cleared a space on my back deck to allow for a comfortable landing. I've never been quite sure if Genies glide in for landings or whether they seep out of a lantern. Note: I've chosen to capitalize the word 'Genie' out of deference. I don't know if Genie's are into smiting like Gods, but I'm playing it safely. . Now where was I? Ah yes... about my Genie wish...I've thought about asking to be less physically attractive, so I could just live a normal life, not always feeling like a piece of meat tossed into in a cage full of she-wolves, but I can live with that for a few more decades I suppose. . . The honest answer is that I'd ask for musical talent. When I see and hear people playing music, I'm instantly envious...unless they're playing the bassoon. If Eyeore was an instrument, he'd be a bassoon. My apologies to the hundreds, if not thousands of bassoonists who read my blog, I don't try to be mean (it's a natural talent, like your musical ability). I am envious of your capacity to make music, just not on a depressed instrument that looks like something better suited to housing a trout rod. . Some people have natural musical ability. I know quite a few. I married one. I even fathered one, though I know enough about genetics to be assured that he plays the guitar well because of his mother, and he'll someday go bald because of his father. . I'm currently trying to learn how to play the guitar. My progress is slow but I am moving forward, while my guitar gently weeps. Actually it's bawling. I'm resigned to the fact that I'll never be a rock star, even if I can master the guitar. I'll never have a flowing mane of hair which will elicit a stadium of screams from my adoring fans, some of whom will flash me (hence no need for x-ray vision). I may one day sound like Jimi Hendrix, but I'll forever look like Phil Collins. Sigh. . Would I consider changing my one wish from musical talent to something more shallow, like good looks? Never! Some people are just blessed with good looks and musical talent (Keith Richards, Slash, Joe Cocker). Who knows where they'll use their one wish? I think Keith already has eternal life. . All I know is that I'd like to be able to sit down by a campfire with a guitar and play something that flickers with warmth and beauty, but there's no point waiting for a Genie to show up. There's only one thing that I can do. . A man in New York City walks up to a taxi driver and asks how you get to Carnegie Hall. The cabbie replies "practice, practice, practice." . Those are the facts of life.