Wendy: Do you have any shallots (shall oughts)?
Spudweena: You mean shallots (shall its)?
Wendy: Yes.
Spudweena: Well, we have onions.
Wendy: I'm looking for shallots (now pronouncing them 'shall its' to appease Spudweena). They're in the onion family but have a different flavour.
Spudweena: Oh, I don't know about those.
This conversation took place yesterday between my wife and a veggie vendor, who I've given the name of Spudweena to protect her identity. I loved the interaction between my wife and Spudweena. My wife asked for a specific product and the salestuber immediately corrects my wife's pronunciation, then goes on to admit her ignorance to their availability.
You say 'poe tay toe', I say 'poe tah toe'. You say 'Toe may toe', I say 'toe mah toe'. You say 'eavestroughing', I say 'eavesdropping'.
Huh? I'll explain in a moment, but first, back to more veggie tales...
From www.dictionary.com: shal⋅lot [shal-uht, shuh-lot]. It could have gone either way, so correcting the customer, when they're correct to begin with, is not a good way to begin a business relationship. It's like wiping your nose with your hand then holding it out for a handshake.
Can't we just hug?
The troubles ended there for my shallotless wife, but not for the next customer....
A woman and her husband entered the vegetable stand. I'll call the husband 'Pete', and his wife 'Repeat'. The wife did the talking:
Repeat: "We're looking for our three fifty-pound bags of Yukon Gold potatoes. You called and said they were ready."
Patient veggie vendor: "The Green Mountains are in ma'am."
Things went south from here.
Repeat: "We're looking for our three fifty-pound bags of Yukon Gold potatoes. You called and said they were ready."
Patient veggie vendor: "I'm sorry ma'am, there must have been a mistake. We do have Green Mountain potatoes though."
Repeat: "No, we're looking for our three fifty-pound bags of Yukon Gold potatoes. You called and said they were ready."
The woman repeated herself approximately six more times, never really changing her message or acknowledging that there were no ___ing Yukon Gold potatoes. The salesperson tried to explain what spuds he had in stock, but Repeat wasn't leaving without a hundred and fifty pounds of Yukon Gold. I suspect, twenty-one hours later, that she's still there.
"We're looking for our three fifty-pound bags of Yukon Gold potatoes. You called and said they were ready."
It's also possible that I'll read about her in today's issue of the Daily Gleaner, Fredericton's answer tot he Globe and Mail:
Local Woman Mauled At Vegetable Stand
Fredericton City Police are asking for the help of citizens in apprehending the perpetrator of an alleged attack on a woman early this morning in the Maugerville area. The accused is described as being eighteen feet tall and wearing a top hat. He is considered armed, eyed, and dangerous, though it appears that his genitals have fallen off. He was last seen heading for Florenceville where he his son, Julienne, went missing a number of years ago.
God bless the Daily Gleaner, without which we would all live our lives in utter ignorance. That's not to say that the Gleaner isn't without its faults. Occasionally the Gleaner dices and fries the English language (and a salts it too!). My favourite example of this happened about ten years ago. I was skimming through the For Sale: General section of the classified ads where the following ad appeared:
For sale: 8, 10 and 12 foot sections of eavesdropping. Call 455-XXXX.
I should never read the Gleaner. I should never listen to other people's conversations (eavesdropping). I need to get my mind out of the gutter (eavestroughing). I need to find some shallots, or was that shallots?
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