Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Father, Son And Who?

Yesterday's blog posting sparked a family discussion about religion. Involved in the negotiations were the father, the son, and the wholly entertained wife. It quickly became evident that I knew little or nothing about Christianity compared to my wife and son.

Let's face it, I paid little or no attention to religion as a child. And though I'm fascinated by it, I rarely spend any time as an adult digging into the marrow of religion. Nothing ever seems to be resolved so ADD man quickly loses interest. Christianity is not all that different than the game of jai alai. I know it exists, but I don't have a clear understanding the history or the rules, or why it exists in the first place. I only know that it isn't my cup of coffee (fair trade, dark roast, high test cream and raw plantation sugar).

Our religious discussion led to some reminiscing. We were remembering how Wendy always used to read the Christmas story to Julian over the holidays (when he was little). This is the Christmas story that involves the middle eastern characters, and not anything to do with a Red Ryder BB gun, or Tim Allen, or the Grinch. Some time after Wendy had read the story to young Julian, possibly a few days or weeks, Julian asked the following question:

"Was Jesus a Nielsen or a Varty?"

I don't remember Wendy's (likely) more responsible answer, I only remember mine:

"Probably a Nielsen."

My family wasn't what you'd call religious, and Wendy's family had a long standing involvement with the United Church, so my answer made sense, at least to me. J.C. Nielsen...why not? Everyone needs a last name, right?

What about Bono? And Prince Charles and Liz, Attila (would you like sugar with your coffee, Hun?), Aristotle, Cher, Dubya, Eminem, Geronimo, King Kamehameha...

Ian, I think it was Roger Kamehameha.

Little voice...why don't you shut the ____ up unless you have something valuable to add to the conversation?

Isn't that like the Bodum calling the kettle black? I heard your conversation on religion with Wendy and Julian last night, and you are an idiot. There can be no doubt. You're always shooting your mouth off about stuff you know nothing about. You're like Don Cherry, except less informed, though I'll credit you with a less 'flamboyant' wardrobe.

Okay, so I was a little confused that the father, the son and the holy ghost are all the same creature/person/entity. Religion is confusing. I now understand that Jesus is the son of god, but is also god in human form. The holy ghost is some sort of spirit that is also god. The holy trinity is really one, in the same way that a Swiss Army knife is a multi-faceted tool, but at the end of the day, it's still a knife.

Wouldn't it be easier for we agnostics (and them there atheists) if god would just send us a signal, rather than all this mumbo-jumbo? I'd like to see writing in the sky, or perhaps an Environment Canada wind forecast that is accurate. That would be a sign.

I suppose you'd also like to see Brian Mulroney smited?

No, I'm sure that he watches eTalk nightly...that's punishment enough.

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