Thursday, December 10, 2009

I Usta Know A Game Called Hockey

I was playing poker last night when one of the card sharks issued the following challenge:

Name five players from any NHL team.

Do you see those images of me above? They were taken in the 1970s. During this decade I could have named all the players on my favourite team. I could have told you their middle names, along with the type of car they drove and their license plate numbers. I could have told you their blood types. I could have named most of the players on the opposing teams too.

Like many kids growing up in Canada, I was hockey crazy. I worshipped at the shrine called Hockey Night In Canada. Church, for me, was broadcast on CBC every Saturday night. We had pizza and pop communion during the intermissions. It was a great time to be a sports fan. It was a great time to be a chubby child (which I was).

So, Ian, could you name five players from one team?

Rather than list off five players from one team, I decided to list all of the NHL players that I knew. Here's how the list looked:

Sidney Crosby. End of list.

What! You call yourself a Canadian?!?!

Amazingly I could name more members of Ralph Gushue's 2006 Olympic Gold medal curling team than I could NHL players.

Ian, it's Brad Gushue, not Ralph.

Right, right.

So, who else can you name from Brad's curling team? I need at least one more name to prove your infinite curling knowledge.

Umm...I think the other guy's name was Ron Howard.

Ian, you are such a dolt. Ron Howard is a child actor turned bald director. The curler was named Russ Howard, not Ron. Know any other gold medal curlers?

Was there one called Saku Koivu?

No, he's a hockey player. Plays for the Anaheim Ducks. I know two NHL hockey players! Oh!! I just thought of one more. Pasta Head.

Pasta Head?

Yeah, I used to play a video game, called NHL 2004, with my son, and the commentator always spoke of a player called Pasta Head. I remember him saying "it was Pasta Head". I think he was Italian and he seemed to play for almost every team. He must have been traded a lot.

They were actually talking about the puck, you moron! It was passed ahead.


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