Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Fairness of Vanity

Recently I had the opportunity to flip through a copy of a magazine called 'Vanity Fair' (an anagram of 'If Ian Varty'...for those special few into anagrams). It was the November 2009 issue. I know, I know...old news. The magazine added enormously to my limited knowledge regarding the life and times of glamorous and amorous celebrities. This morning's kiss and tell was all about Penelope Cruz.

Honestly, I couldn't give a Spanish rat's keister about Penelope Cruz, but as someone who appreciates good writing and photography, I plowed through the article (her brother and father are both called Eduardo, in case that ever comes up on Jeopardy!). The writing was very fine, really. The photography was superb, though Pennie's make-up was over the top. Ms.Cruz is a pretty girl, if you're into porcelain skinned Spanish gals with black licorice locks puffed poodliciously. Penelope, beautiful as she is, looked like something that one would pull out of granny's china cabinet...she looked unbelievably fragile and glossy, like she would break if taking a snowball to the face.

I read the article from start to finish. Why? I don't know. It is the mysterious way of the leisurologist and can't be explained in intelligible terms, other than to say that, if I ever meet Ms.Cruz, I can ask of the Eduardos.

There were other articles about celebrities in the thick and generous magazine, but I didn't give them much consideration. I saw an ad for Louis Vuitton which featured Sean Connery as the pitchman. This was a bit disturbing. One minute handsome Sean, as James B., is snuggling with Pussy Galore, the next he's trying to sell me over-priced baggage. Oh well, we are supposedly in a recession, and Sean hasn't been on the A-list since the Red October was scuttled.

The Red October wasn't scuttled, Ian. It was sold to the Canadian Navy by the British Navy, and shipped/dragged off to Halifax. Surely you remember the brouhaha when the Red October accidentally torpedoed Theodore Tugboat just off McNab's Island? Do your homework, man.

I did find something in Vanity Fair that really appealed to me. Caricatures! The caricatures were of actors, actresses and famous people in general. I recognized about half of them. I didn't feel badly that the caricature of author Joan Didion wasn't immediately recognizable. I wouldn't have known Maeve Binchy either, had she been caricatured. So many authors are faceless.

The caricatures were, in my opinion, expertly done. You can judge for yourself by clicking here.

I was left feeling inspired to try my own caricatures, ala Risko, Vanity Fair's caricaturist. I haven't got time to do one tonight, but you can expect to see one in the coming days. I may do myself, or perhaps attempt a celebrity. Or maybe one of the Eduardos.

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