Friday, January 22, 2010

Have I Created A Monster? We'll See...

Do you remember a snow storm a few years back when the City of Toronto had to enlist the Canadian army for help? Drastic measures.

That was ten years and one week ago. I'm about to embark on a visit to Toronto and, once again, it's time for drastic measures. My routing to Toronto will not be long-haul trucker efficient. There will be few tire tracks made on the Trans-Canada highway as I'm going to drive through New England. This means no truck stops, no hot hamburger sandwiches.

Thank you!

That was my colon speaking. There will be no shopping for Freightliner belt buckles or monstrous trucker buckles of any type. You know the ones, they're huge. They're ugly. They're shiny. They can be found on sale at most Canadian truck stops, right next to the mud flap aisle.

Given that I'm driving through the You Ess of Eh, I won't have to worry about my Tim Horton's fatwa, unless Tim has invaded New England. I saw a Tim Horton's in New York City, so anything is possible.

Umm, Ian, you said something about drastic measures?

Right. I'm going to be unable to post blogs while in New England. Between snowboarding, driving, and not having a laptop, it will be virtually impossible for me to post anything, so the blog will have to be cancelled for a couple of days.

You're joking, right?

Sort of. It's true that I won't be able to post anything, but perhaps this opens the door for a guest blogger to step in and fill my size twelve shoes.

Wow! It would take quite a man to fill your shoes, or a woman from the Amazon. That's sarcasm, by the way.

I've offered the job to my son.

But he's only a kid. He's seventeen. What's he going to write about? Video games, cars, and girls? Will he give us tips on how to win at Wii golf? Will he tell us why, with computers, we never need to go outdoors again? Perhaps he'll tell us about why Burger King is better than McDonald's. He'll write about skate shoes, won't he? Will he write like a textpert?

U no it, 4 sho.

I haven't got a clue what he'll write about, but I suspect that you'll be surprised. You might just read it and think it a shame the boy hadn't been involved in home schooling. There's a lot that he could teach his stupid old father.

Now you're talking like me! Maybe you could be a witty writer someday.

So, with any luck, Saturday and Sunday's blog will be guest written by 'the kid'. I've given him carte blanche to write about whatever he wants. He knows what carte blanche means, too. He's some smart.

Do you know what carte blanche means? It means that you've given him a blank, signed cheque and he's to fill in the amount.

Oh shit! Are you serious?

Yup. It can also mean, from Wikipedia, the following:

Full Powers, a term in international law referring to the authority of a person to sign a treaty or convention on behalf of a sovereign state.

That's what I meant. I see writing The Leisurologist blog to be equal to signing a treaty or convention on behalf of a sovereign state (me).

Right up there with the penning of the Magna Carta.

Magna Carta?? I don't know what that means. I don't speak French anyway. Hey...isn't that the company that Belinda Stronach's daddy owns?

First of all, Belinda Stronach's father owns a company called Magna International. Secondly, it's Latin, you dolt!


  1. "Maybe you could be a witty writer someday."

    You can pretend to be serious, you can't pretend to be witty.

  2. For some reason I came across this and thought of you: