A friend (who are these people?) sent me an intriguing e-mail two sleeps ago. The message told me, in no uncertain terms, that "if u haven't discovered this blog...then you're really missing out." My friend makes her living as a child psychologist, so I take her advice both personally and professionally.
There was one other piece of information in her brief missive that left me perplexed. Here's what she wrote:
"Be sure to share this with all the brilliant women in your lives."
I wasn't offended that she considered me to be one of the "brilliant women" in her life. I wasn't surprised either, because I once tried to have her include me in a girls' weekend in New York. She and her umpteen sisters were planning a weekend in New York City, and I was going to be there at the same time visiting my wife, so I thought that I could be a 'sister'. Sadly, they went at the wrong time of the month for me, after I had left NYC (a coincidence?), so I never got to do what girls do. I'm not sure what that is, but I suspect that it involves drinks with umbrellas, shopping, and some joyful Broadway productions involving dancers.
I wasn't sad that the girls' weekend never happened. I just stayed at home, comforting myself by stuffing Easy-Bake Oven cookies into my face and watching Oprah and her big fat billionaire ass.
Speaking of big fat asses, the blog that my friend sent me now appears on the sidebar of my blog. It's called HalifaxBroad and it's highly entertaining. I don't know much about the author, other than she appears to be clinging to a career in advertising, she has a son who she calls 'the little bastard', and she apparently has an ass upon which you could land a helicopter. We're not talking about a small chopper bum. Her ass sounds like the kind of place where Sea Kings hope to crash.
Of course, we all know that most writers exaggerate. The best of the best, like Bill Bryson, embellish a bit. Writers of blogs are the worst by far. They're often outright liars, mainly because they have no one (i.e. publisher, editor, friends) to hold them accountable. I never fully understood how writing worked when I was a body double for actor John Holmes, but now that I have a blog myself I'm more than aware of how the truth is spun like a tipsy dreidel.
The writer of the HalifaxBroad blog has quite a twisted sense of humour which greatly appeals to my braided mind. It's a little disconcerting that she uses so much profanity in her writing, but I guess I can forgive her for that, the fucking bitch.
If you're offended my my comment, then you haven't read her blog yet. Now get cracking!