This Duck Is Far More Interesting Than Most Famous People

I'm standing in the grocery store line trying to amuse myself. I'm usually quite self-sufficient in this department, busy snooping in other people's carts. It's quite staggering what some people buy. Not to be judgemental, but I can't imagine sitting down at my dinner table washing down fish sticks n' fries with two litres of Pepsi. Odd that I have no problem imagining them doing it. It's tragic...so I turn my attention elsewhere.

The celebrity glam mags call to me. Wow, Cosmopolitan magazine has an article about 'Your Va Jay Jay...Fascinating New Facts About Your Lovely Lady Parts'. The team of Cosmopolitan scientists must have been working feverishly back at the lab to make these startling new discoveries. I wonder if the researchers at Scientific American were miffed that the Cosmo crew scooped them (yet again). There goes the Nobel prize for medicine.

Is it just me, or are you tired of being treated like a moron?

Star magazine offers 'Stars Without Makeup!' Hey! They look just like, well, us...and apparently the Olsen twins aren't raccoons after all. Stop laughing Avril Lavigne...you know you want to paint your face and knock over some garbage cans. I can see it in your eyes.

These magazines are not there to amuse us while waiting to pay for our groceries. These magazines are there because they sell...and they sell well. I'm not much into celebrity adulation (this may come as a shock to you). If Paris Hilton windsurfed nude in front of my house while juggling donuts, I probably wouldn't get my camera out. I say 'probably' because I'm really into windsurfing and if she was on one of the new 2009 boards, then I might be tempted.

When a hooded merganser (pictured above) paddles past my place in morning's first light, I'd happily belly drag through a field of mouse traps to make the image. As it were, I had to skulk carefully behind a small pine tree to get close enough to document the hoody. It's all good training for the day when I sell my soul and become a paparazzi. I'll make lots of money and I won't have much to worry about, except...

Should I send Paris apple fritters or honey glazed?